she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I believe in your delicious
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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