i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
