I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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