on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
