this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
