If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
