apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
