Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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