he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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