I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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