Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
