dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
