Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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