Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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