Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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