just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
