Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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