My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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