she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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