My friends, they love my intelligence
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
