Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
