she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
