Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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