I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
