dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
