its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
