dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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