then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just invented taco cereal.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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