Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
