If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, beer. Big fan.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
