nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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