the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We have started to decorate penises.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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