HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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