last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Terrible idea I love it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize