She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
