She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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