plz talk dirty to me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
