Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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