I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
