I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
