We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize