her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize