And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
