ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize