I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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