i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
