whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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