Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
