Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
