quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
