Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
