He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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