Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
