I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
