Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
