Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
