I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
