If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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