I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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