Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
