I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize