I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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