I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
