She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
