you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
