Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
