I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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